The [Pittsburgh Steelers](https://www.behindthesteelcurtain.com/) have a legitimate issue at the quarterback position, with only Mason Rudolph and sixth round rookie Will Howard on the team (in addition to Skylar Thompson). And if there’s one spot you don’t want to find yourself in, it’s desperate at quarterback. You go out, hit the town all dressed up in your brand new DK Metcalf, you’ve spurned Justin Fields figuring you can do better, but as the dance floor clears out and you watch Sam Darnold head out and Geno Smith head out and your old ex Russell deciding to try to hit it big in New York, you realize it’s just you.
Well, just you, and this creepy old guy hanging at the end of the bar. He’s been there all night shamelessly checking out every team, sipping what looks like kombucha. You’ve heard him talk about his past exploits when Minnesota walked by, and they sounded solid enough, but he also tried to impress by claiming he could play “Mr. Jones” on the guitar, he loved some movie called “Bottle Rocket,” and asked to become Facebook friends with Miami. There were a lot of red flags.
Then again, if even half of his claims are true, you’re probably thinking that maybe this won’t be the worst decision. Maybe this will work out fine, and heck, it’s just for one season. You’ve been with plenty of guys for one season, especially recently. And so, you promise yourself that after tonight you’ll finally start looking for something serious, but you’re not going home empty-handed, and so you strike up a conversation.
He seems harmless enough at first, though he is cagey about his politics. He says he’s “not really political” and “socially liberal, but fiscally conservative.” You take a step back and notice he looks smaller than you thought and has a few nasty scars on his legs, which isn’t the end of the world except you’re pretty used to mobile guys at this point. Justin was so fast; you miss him already.
He tells you he has a podcast (red flag) and he’s big into natural healing, which seems to conflict with the scars, but whatever, at least he probably eats right. You tell him about this great deep threat receiver you just brought in, and he casually mentions that lately he prefers short throws and thought that “having an intended air yards under seven was the way to go.” He mentions wanting to introduce DK to his friend Allen, and you think that it’s at least nice that he has a friend, and that he’s looking out for him.
You learn he doesn’t eat cheese, that he tried a darkness retreat but couldn’t go the distance, and that he’s dated a few famous people. You do some Googling, and it raises more red flags, but he is right that Mahomes isn’t throwing downfield anymore either. He asks if any of your receivers are young, and you start to think he may be one of those guys who doesn’t get along with kids, but your guys are all vets and so what’s the harm. You remind yourself this isn’t serious.
But Pittsburgh, I want to remind you that part of maturing as an organization is NOT doing this, because this is obviously dysfunctional behavior. When you called Justin just the other day, you learned he was with this guy’s ex, that he left them in absolutely shambles, and that Justin thinks it’s going to be awhile before they get back on their feet. And it sounds like before they ran into this guy, they were actually pretty stable, outside of their quarterback. They had a very solid defense and some good young skill position guys, but it just didn’t work.
And you know, you’re kind of the same way. You were no slouch last year. You won 10 games! You made the playoffs and hung with the Ravens while you were with Russell (though you were also still fooling around with Justin, you really do need to get into something serious at some point). Do you really want to end up like the Jets?
You walk back to his place, and he asks you to come up for tea. You wonder if maybe you should just go hang out with Howard. He’s probably not going to work out, but at least he’s not 42, and hey, he’ll probably at least be fun. Probably more fun than this guy. And who knows, maybe it does work out! The kid has an absolute cannon at least. This guy looks like he hurts whenever he takes a step. But some tea does sound nice, and tea seems mature, and so you did it. You made the bad decision like everyone thought you would.
Did you even think about protection? Like how your left tackle Broderick Jones had a 55 PFF pass blocking grade last season, or how the best pass blocking grade from your starting offensive line last year was a 68.6 from center Zach Frazier?
I like you Pittsburgh, I do. You’re a good football town with great fans, and I say this with nothing but love: you can do better. You should do better. And I’m worried you’re going to get hurt.
More than anything, make sure you’re up on your vaccines.