_Graham Dougan_ _was a youth prospect at Arsenal in the 1970s but never quite made the grade, making his career in the upper echelons of the old division two.[](https://arseblog.news/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/graham-1.jpg)_
_He was also a Scottish U25 international. He is a regular pundit on TV in Malta and Luxembourg, and an after-dinner speaker of some repute._
_He writes exclusively for the site and we’re sure you will enjoy his keen and unique insight into the game._
_In this column, he takes gives us his two cents on Arsenal’s lack of business in the transfer window so far._
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It’s no exaggeration to say that this is a make or brake summer for Arsenal and manager Mikel Arteta.
After a disappointing second-placed finish last time out, the pressure is on and fans want to see the project deliver silverware and/or trophies. The only way that can happen is by many things happening in conjunction with each other, but the only thing fans want to happen is for the owners to break out the chequebook and sign some players.
On the official Arsenal webpage Josh Kroenke said ‘We plan to invest to get behind winning and doing better next season.’
That’s message we can all get behind. Like when your car won’t start and you get some people to give it a push but just when you’re getting up some speed they try the ignition but forget to push the clutch in and then you hit your head off the back windscreen and you’re left with a bump that looks like a swollen testicle or Sean Dyche’s head (they’re basically the same thing). Personally, I think Arsenal need to get in front of winning which would mean looking behind at losers like Pip Guardiola and Arnie Slop and all the other Premier League managers.
But it’s one thing talking about investing and another thing actually doing it. Thus far the Arsenal board have been a massive disappointment, signing a grand total of no players and spending no pounds. How is that a demonstration of ambition? The club are even losing players like Ciaran Teirney, Brazilian midfielder Juninho, and the wonderful Nuno Tavares. Forget heaven, the Arsenal defence is missing an angel!
That means the squad is even smaller than it was before, because as all mathematicians know, subtraction is the opposite of addition, and you can’t make anything bigger without doing the inverse of that (or using little blue tablets, but that’s a story for another day).
It’s not as if the players aren’t out there, and although the Gunners new Sporting Director has a girl’s name, he has a welt of experience from his time at Athletic de Madrid and should know the European markets as well as anyone else. He spent years working with confirmed lunatic Diego Simone and although Arteta is a ruthless character, he doesn’t strike me as someone who would resort to cannibalism. So Andrew Berta is used to pressure, which begs the question: where are the signings?
Some will say it’s early June and patience is required, but I say only hospitals require patients and football fans require a hot-beef injection of transfer serum, stat. Give us 20cc of Benjamin Sexco; an infusion of Danish muscle-man Viktor Gyokeres; a left-wing transplant of Nico Walliams from Atletico Bilbo; or a transfusion of Rodrygo or Oliver Watkins from Aston Villa.
At the moment Arsenal fans are being denied life-saving treatment by a miserly board and ownership who are currently playing the role of football proctologist, giving us all a colonoscopy we don’t want with no anaesthetic using an old Nikon F2 on the end of a stick to have a good root around. We want new players, not a sore bum!
It’s like that rap-battle that has been ongoing for years between Anna Kendrick and Drake. How can one of them possibly win when they’re named after a duck? So how can Arsenal possibly win the Premier League and the Champions League next season when Josh Kroenke says one thing but does nothing. Just like a duck, he is swimming around his lake, with his ducklings Mikel Arteta, Tom Lewis and Dick Garlick swimming along behind him, but he’s not paying attention and then a heron comes along and eats his children.
And he can have nobody to blame but himself. A cautionary tail indeed.
Until next time, your pal. **GD**.
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_Thanks for all your lovely emails of late. I’ve been working hard on a new documentary about my life and career with the lovely Louis Theroux. Boy, can that guy talk, but I’ve been showing him the sights of Malta and going through my old scrapbooks. Stand by for more!_