It was in the initial painful few days after surgery to fix Bukayo Saka’s torn hamstring that felt the worst.
Would the operation be successful? he wondered. What did the next few months hold? Would he ever get back to his best?
A best that had made the Arsenal winger one of the leading footballers in the world – heights that transfer estimators believe priced his value at £125m.
England's Bukayo Saka (centre) during a training session at St George's Park, Burton upon Trent. Picture date: Monday June 9, 2025. PA Photo. See PA story SOCCER England. Photo credit should read: Mike Egerton/PA Wire. RESTRICTIONS: Use subject to FA restrictions. Editorial use only. Commercial use only with prior written consent of the FA. No editing except cropping.
Saka takes part in a training session at St George’s Park on Monday (Photo: PA)
Until Saka tore his hamstring against Crystal Palace three days before Christmas it had been, bar niggling injuries, a straight run of progressing and competing since he made his debut in front of 7,751 travelling supporters on a freezing evening in Kyiv against Vorskla Poltava, a few weeks past his 17th birthday.
“Everything stops,” Saka said ahead of making a return to England for the first time in eight months.
“You are on crutches, in hospital and need help around the house for the first few weeks.
“In those periods it is a real test mentally and it is about the days in the gym, whether you want to work or not, on the pitch when it is raining and you are on your own with the physios and need to put in the extra run and extra effort. It is about how much you want it, and I wanted it a lot.”
Such is Saka’s mentality, things moved fast after a scan revealed the extent of the injury.
Which is in stark contrast to his general vibe now, the softly-spoken player seeming as relaxed as one can be on England duty while he revealed all about his recovery and doubts to a group of reporters.
The operation was scheduled for 5am on Christmas Eve, so he would have enough time to be monitored by the doctors after surgery and discharged from hospital before Christmas Day, ensuring not a second was wasted.
Saka started to understand the severity of his situation when his parents had to pass him presents from under the tree the following day, and when everyone leapt up from sofas for Christmas dinner and it took him 10 minutes to struggle his way to the table.
That is when the uncertainty crept in. Players in the past have failed to reach the same heights after major surgery. Would that be the case with him?
Saka doubled down, worked hard perfecting his diet, was disciplined in the gym, on the training pitches, with physios. He was helped through it by the arrival of a new puppy – a Cockapoo called Tucker.
Saka enjoys reading and found a book that particularly resonated: The Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle’s guide to spiritual enlightenment, mindfulness and presence. It was recommended to him by Carlos Cuesta, a coach at Arsenal.
“It’s about not thinking about the past, not thinking about the future. Just being in the moment and always asking yourself what’s necessary right now,” Saka said.
“Sometimes I can think, ‘Oh, am I going to come back in the best shape?’ Or, in the past, ‘What could I have done to prevent injury?’
“But all that is not necessary. It’s only going to bring bad energy, negativity to your body. One of the best things I took from the book is always ask yourself, what’s necessary in this moment right now and try to live that way.
“I feel I’ve come back in the good place.”
On his return, scoring the winner against Fulham seven minutes after coming on from the bench, Arsenal’s focus had already, Saka says, turned to the Champions League.
He had no time to ease back in, thrust into Champions League quarter-finals and semi-finals – massive games against Real Madrid and Paris Saint-Germain (he scored against both of them).
“I had to do my best, the team did their best and we fell short,” he said. “It is what it is but there is no point looking back now, we look forward and know what we have to do next year.”
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The only time Saka showed any signs of tensing up as he fielded questions about his past, present and future was when asked about the Europa League final.
Did it hurt to see Arsenal’s bitterest rivals lift a trophy, when Arsenal have come so close in the last three seasons but are yet to get over the line?
“Yes of course, naturally,” he said, “because you want that to be you.
Did he watch it? “Yes. It’s the way it was, isn’t it?”
There was a mini-backlash – fans blaming Mikel Arteta – to news that Saka had not made the squad for the Andorra game due to picking up a minor injury in Arsenal’s final Premier League game against Southampton.
But Tuchel was being cautious. Saka is set to start – expecting to be playing off the right – in the friendly against Senegal in Nottingham on Tuesday.
After a dull, underwhelming 1-0 win against Andorra, and a series of uninspiring results in Tuchel’s first games as England manager, familiar anxieties have returned around if anyone can ever get a spark to light a fire under England’s team.
If the past and present are anything to go by, Saka could be the match to ignite England’s future.