I think it’s fair to say that*`Preview Percy wasn’t over impressed by the World Cup draw. Which, somehow, has found its way along with the films of Nicholas Cage and famous people impersonating different cheeses into his look at Sunday’s trip to Brighton...*
Next up we travel down to Falmer where we will be hosted by Brighton & Hove Albion. Kick-off at the Credit Card Stadium is at 2pm, with Sky handling broadcast duties.
So Brighton, to give them their full name, then. They are handily placed despite not really getting any head of steam going in terms of consecutive wins. They’ve notched two on the trot just the once so far this season, with their last six reading LWDWWL.
Their last outing saw them go down 4-3 at home to a Villa side against whom they were 2-0 up at one stage. Not sure if that’s a good omen or not. This has left them having won six, drawn four and lost four from the 14 played so far, in seventh place on 22 points ahead of Liverpool and Man Utd on goal difference.
As is their wont, they were fairly active during the window. Daisy tells me that the first arrival was five-time British Open winner and winger Tom Watson. £10m was enough to bring in the 19 year-old winger from Sunderland, who, at the age of 59 narrowly missed out on a sixth Open after a four-way playoff.
Hmm I think Daisy may be having some fun at my expense there. The footballer is being saved as “one for the future” and has made just the two sub appearances in the league.
Diego Coppola was the next arrival. A £9.4m arrival from Hellas Verona, he is, as far as one can ascertain, no relation to the Hollywood film dynasty including Francis Ford, Sophia and Nicholas Cage, an actor whose record of making simply dreadful movies is such that when Daisy and I sit down to watch something on Netflix we automatically skip anything with him in it. Check out 2014’s “Left Behind”, for a prime example.
Er, I seem to have wandered off track a bit here. Diego made his first appearance for the full Italian side back in May in a 3-0 defeat to Norway, which I might suggest was more of a “hellova beating” than our 2-1 defeat to them all those years ago. He is another whose appearances have been made mainly in the League Cup, his three league appearances so far coming from the bench.
Another warmer of the racing car seats has been Greek striker Charalampos Kostoulas, a €35m arrival from Olympiakos. He’s made five appearances, all from the bench. He’s got just the one goal so far, netting in their 4-2 defeat at Old Trafford earlier this season.
As I look through their signings it looks almost like they have signed a bunch of players purely to play in the League Cup, which is a bit of a shame really, given that they were knocked out in the 4th Round.
One such player was Olivier Boscagli, a free transfer arrival from PDV Eindhoven. The relatively long-in-the-tooth for them 28 year-old has made just the one League start this season. The Frenchman has been capped up to Under 21 level but seven years on, one would have thought that his chances of a full cap for “Les Grenouilles” are long gone.
The final arrival was Maxim DeKuyper. He arrived from Club Brugge for a reported £17.5m. He’s actually been a first XI regular since his arrival at Falmer and is also a full Belgian international, representing his country on 15 occasions so far. The left-back is a strong likelihood for next summer’s World Cup, of which more later.
Well I say “later”, how about, right now as we move onto this week’s Wild and Wacky World Of Association Football. I’ve just finished watching the World Cup draw. If you too have been enduring the over two-hour presentation there are organisations out there who can help you if you have been affected by anything you saw. I’ll be straight on to the helpline as soon as I’ve finished writing this.
Where to start. Well FIFA have always been full of their own self-importance but I never thought in a million years that they could get so far up themselves as to decide that they were so universal that they should start to award a Nobel-rivalling peace prize.
If that were not bad enough, they then go and award it to Infantino’s mate Donald Trump. Tom Lehrer once declared satire to be dead when Henry Kissinger (ask your grandad) was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. Lord alone knows what he’d have said about this horror-show.
I look forward to other football authorities getting in on the quasi-Nobel bandwagon. I myself am going to put myself up to my old league, The Southern Amateur League, as a candidate for their Biochemistry Prize for my dedicated research into the effects of the different types of bitter available at the various League grounds across London over the 25 years or so I graced their pitches. (Well I say "graced….")
The ceremony went on and on, each new section achieving the unlikely feat of being worse than the one before. Robbie Williams performed an “anthem” so awful in retrospect it was precisely the right tune for the occasion. Lauryn Hill mistook the whole event for some sort of cheese-impersonating contest, which, had it been such an event, she would have won hands down with her spirited portrayal of Edam.
Trump - who will no doubt be tweeting as to how much more prestigious FIFA prizes are than their Nobel counterparts - seemed to be impersonating a less intelligent than usual slab of Red Leicester and the whole thing was such a cringe-making disaster that the good people of Chernobyl have packed up their trophy and sent it to FIFA HQ. Poor old Rio.
And so to us. Liverpool first. Well how the mighty are fallen. Yes, they have always been masters of what the editor insists I call “outhousery”. However there used to be the occasional bit of football played. Not anymore. Allison’s pretence at being knocked out was a prime example.
With us pressing forward, he sat down and lay on his back motionless. Imagine our surprise when after a short bit of treatment he sat up, cured as if some amazing miracle had happened. Referee England failed to implement either the concussion protocol or the yellow card that is statutory for players feigning injury to stop play.
That happened so often, England probably didn’t want to run out of ink. Incidentally, did you notice how long was added for stoppage at the end of that first half? Just the one minute.
England had a truly dreadful game. Perfectly clean challenges were given yellow cards whilst a shove in the face on Malick Diouf that was worthy of a red up at Old Trafford a week previously was apparently not a foul. Guess which way those decisions went.
Now, the Lucas Paqueta sending-off. Yes it was stupid, stupid, stupid. But, there were some unanswered questions about the whole affair. Firstly the first yellow for dissent. It was pretty mild stuff – certainly no worse than had happened elsewhere on the pitch. This gave rise to the question of whether the card had actually been for the foul.
The referee seemed to indicate that it had been given for an accumulation of fouls, helpfully pointing out the three or four other parts of the pitch where he had allegedly transgressed. Which then raises the point that if anyone were guilty of the foul it was Fullkrug. PGMOL’s explanation that the two cards had been issued for dissent got England off the hook and it wouldn’t be the first time that PGMOL had lied to save the skin of an incompetent referee.
Of course, having got the first yellow, there was no excuse for going on and on and on like Paqueta did. His rant coincided with yet another fake injury which was possibly what sent the Brazilian over the edge. Still the good news for Liverpool is that if/when they sack Arne Slot, there should be ready replacements available. I believe both Tony Pulis and Neil Warnock are available – a dream team for their supporters.
Then there was Man Utd away. Good first half of the first half, I thought. And a pretty even second half. Well worth the point. Good performances all round to recover from a slightly fluky goal.
Tellingly, the equaliser came when Bowen had been replaced by Irving as corner taker. As hard as both Bowen and Potts worked during the game their delivery from the quadrant left a lot to be desired over the course of the game. As it was, Irving’s delivery was right on the button and Bowen was incredibly unlucky to have his header cleared off the line. Magassa, whose goal probably just swung the MotM award was handily paced to bury the rebound.
On the personnel front, Paqueta will be available for selection after his suspension. Crysencio Summerville is rated at no better than 50/50 to return. Ollie Scarles will be absent, but should get the ok to resume full training next week. Igor Julio won’t be available due to being “league-tied”.
So to the prediction. Well Leeds’ surprise win against Chelsea did us few favours from a league position perspective, but performance wise we are streets ahead of where we were at the start of the season. They are a bit up and down and, with a bit of elbow grease I can see another point coming our way.
So Mr Winstone, please place the £2.50 that I was going to send to FIFA to see if that’s a big enough bribe for my own prize, on a 2-2 draw.
Enjoy the game!
When last we met at Flmer: Lost 3-2 (Premier League April 2025)
2-1 up on 83mins. 3-2 defeat at the end thanks to a couple of worldies the like of which the scorers wont replicate in a million years. Why us?
Referee: Simon Hooper
Simon Hapless as he is known within and outside PGMOL. Appears not to have finished his copy of the laws of the game. Will probably need help in colouring it in.
Danger Man: Danny Welbeck
I was always impressed by him back in the old days and he’s enjoying an Indian summer down by the seaside.
Percy and Daisy’s Amazing Brighton Fact Of The Week Type Thing
Brighton is home to the oldest cinema in continuous use. Opened in 1910 it’s currently showing an old Pathe newsreel of Liverpool scoring a goal that is three yards offside, with the match officials ignoring it because the film was too scratchy, an excuse used by PGMOL to this very day.
* Like to share your thoughts on this article? Please visit the KUMB Forum to leave a comment.
* Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the highlighted author/s and do not necessarily represent or reflect the official policy or position of KUMB.com.