Think Manchester United did nothing in January? Think again. But their 14th transfer might be tricky to pull off.
There is some right nonsense abounding all over the shop.
Man Utd transfer deadline day explosion
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You might be labouring under the illusion that was a terrible January transfer window and absolutely f\*\*\* all happened. You may think that Manchester United in particular did absolutely nothing, with transfermarkt logging that the sum total of their first-team movement over January consisted of Harry Amass, Toby Collyer and Ethan Wheatley ending their loans at Championship and League One clubs and then joining other Championship and League One clubs.
Frankly, you (and by extension we) are all fools, because it’s been absolutely brilliant.
‘Man Utd Announce Departure of Player Hours After Winter Transfer Window Closes’ say **SPORTbible**, illustrated by an image of Michael Carrick and Benjamin Sesko.
Has Benjamin Sesko left Manchester United? No. Has somebody who Benjamin Sesko has ever played alongside left Manchester United? God no. But Sekou Kone has left Manchester United’s Under-21 squad. On loan.
But when you see the **Daily Star** headline, you begin to think that SPORTbible might have been underplaying the exciting nature of this transfer window at Manchester United…
> Man Utd news: Forgotten star’s move blocked as ninth transfer completed after deadline
Nine transfers. Nine whole transfers. Not all actually completed after the deadline but it’s still pretty remarkable. As would be any Manchester United fan who could pick all nine players out of a line-up. F\*\*\* it, we’d wager that Carrick himself would struggle to identify James Scanlon in a crowd unless he had JS on his nylon track pants.
What Man Utd can do next
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But don’t you be thinking that Manchester United have finished all their vast transfer business just because the January transfer window has closed. Fools. Again.
> Man Utd can still do five deals in next 24 hours despite transfer window closing
That’s the **Express** doing what the Express do best: Absolute unadulterated bullsh\*t.
The ‘story’ entirely consists of a list of free agents that can be signed by any club outside of the transfer window. So technically _can_ be signed by Manchester United, though the Express admit in the second paragraph that it doesn’t ‘particularly look like they need any reinforcements’.
But they have started so they will finish so read in awe as they attempt to justify nonexistent interest in Raheem Sterling (he ‘could provide some muscle’; how much time exactly has he spent in that Chelsea gym?), Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain (he ‘knows the Premier League’) and Paco Alcacer, because United definitely need a ‘a back-up for Benjamin Sesko’, who is himself a back-up. Especially if that back-up has not kicked a ball in over 12 months. Guys, even Joshua Zirkzee is a better option.
And then we arrive at Divock Origi (which makes Kurt Zouma feel viable) and these words: ‘Admittedly, this one would likely be much more difficult to pull off, given Divock Origi’s strong connection to Liverpool.’
Yes, almost two years after Origi last played a game of professional football, he would turn down a contract at Manchester United because he has such a ‘strong connection with Liverpool’. He simply will not countenance Premier League football with that red scum down the road.
What Liverpool can do next
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You will be entirely unsurprised to learn that Liverpool can also do deals ‘in next 24 hours despite transfer window closing’, though their options are limited to just four.
Obviously Origi is a goer ‘if Liverpool required any urgent attacking reinforcements’. Because if a club requires urgent attacking reinforcements, it’a always best to sign somebody who has not played in almost two years.
Even Raheem Sterling might be a better option (it ‘could be exactly what he needs to reignite his career’, which is obviously Liverpool’s priority), while it seems Zouma, Oxlade-Chamberlain and Alcacer are not options for Liverpool.
But then there’s Serge Aurier: ‘While it would’ve by no means been a transfer on Liverpool’s radar at the beginning of the season, given the 20-time champions’ current predicament, it could prove a need-to-have.’
_Could_ it? We feel like they might – after some reflection – opt to play Dominik Szoboszlai there again after the 4-1 win over Newcastle.
What Arsenal can do next
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Reel in shock as it becomes apparent that the three Premier League clubs who ‘can still do deals in next 24 hours despite transfer window closing’ are the three clubs with the largest followings. Odd that.
You may well argue that actual Premier League leaders might not need to shop in the free transfer market but then we remember that third-choice central midfielder Mikel Merino is injured so Arsenal ‘will have to delve into the free agent pool if they still want to add emergency cover in the middle of the park’. Or they could play Christian Norgaard. One or the other.
And then we are told that one option is Jesse Lingard and we hit that little cross in the corner of the screen. F\*\*\* that. We need a sleep.
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