Republik Of Mancunia: A Manchester United Blog
Republik Of Mancunia: A Manchester United Blog
Q: How many times have you read or heard about the Sabah manager appearing on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire in the past 48 hours?
A: Once
B: Five times
C: Fifteen times
D: So many times you now know more about him than you do about your own family
Q: This week, you’ve heard so much of Shabba Ranks’ ‘Mr Loverman’ (Shabba!) that you:
A: Need Mark Lamarr to sort it out like he did on The Word in 1992 (contemporary cultural reference there).
B: Need to dig out Now 25.
C: Stop listening to TalkSport.
D: Remember when at school you used to sing ‘Mr Headmaster’ (Jabba!) whenever Mr James ambled past.
Make no mistake, the Champions League has really, really wanted – needed – United back. The Reds are always the biggest story in town. We’ve heard more about our opponents (Shabba!) in the build-up to this one than we did any of Napoli, Atletico Madrid etc who faced our rivals this week.
Manchester United were back in Europe’s elite competition after a two-year hiatus, this time, and for the first time, in the bloated new Swiss-style format (the European Super League lite). And make no mistake, United on nights like this prove we’re the biggest team in England. With five minutes to go until kick-off the ground was barely half full – inevitable delays getting in – but by kick-off it was at near capacity. A reminder of the pull of United, given the opposition. Plenty of kids in too, and people who might not usually go.
Coffee and TV
Reds who had waited two years for a return to the Champions League celebrated hearing that dog-whistle shrill anthem and watching kids waft the ball-parachute thing in the centre circle by, after about ten minutes of play, getting bored and trying to pile as many empty coffee cups as possible onto one supporter’s head. A coffee-cup snake, to much amusement, in a display which would have been more suited to the other Old Trafford.
Definitely evidence of the lack of real substance on the pitch. From the moment referee, uh (checks notes), Chris Tarrant blew the whistle not much of anything happened for a spell. During the opening 25 minutes I was never troubled. Nice to watch an occasional United game where your stomach isn’t churning. Time to think: I wondered why the farts at football don’t smell as foul anymore. Am I just getting old and my hooter doesn’t work anymore? Wake up and smell the cawfee.
And then, suddenly, there were goals. The deadlock was broken after their winger played a ball back inside in the manner of – and from almost the exact same spot as – Amad against Liverpool. United pounced and streaked forward. Suddenly all the ponderousness was forgotten. Dorgu, who’d been awful up until then, did well and Matheus Cunha recorded United’s first Champions League goal for nearly three years.
And then, just before half-time, came the quickfire one-two. Bruno Fernandes made it two before Sesko added a third. Slick, intricate stuff at times, and the sort of ruthless burst which United haven’t always managed against supposedly inferior opposition. Three-nil at half-time: game over. No fifty-fifty needed.
The second half was casual in parts, but it was obvious we were playing out time. Martínez added the fourth and United were able to stroll through much of the rest of it with Sunday in mind. The substitutions gave a clue as to who’ll probably be starting in the derby. But is it in his contract that Bruno shalt never be hooked? Come on, give the lad a break. I’ll phone a friend for him.
Dog and Duck
Talking of phoning a friend, many – Cundy et al on TalkSport – have banged on that we were only playing the Dog and Duck, but you can only beat what’s in front of you, as the cliché goes. And whilst a couple of Sabah’s players ranked as ‘competition winners’, most were competent – as they would have to be to get through four qualifying rounds.
The Azerbaijanis, who appeared to bring Carlos Queiroz on as a substitute at one point, were poor. Their champions brought circa 115 fans, as many as there are charges against those boys in lazer blue. They sat in the section which is usually just an add-on to the usual away section. They appeared to have only one song. Come on, you can learn more than that in nine years.
A club younger than my kids and with about as much footballing pedigree. Still did better than Celtic.
OBSERVATIONS
Corners
Is the lack of a proper set-play coach starting to tell? United had seven corners, six of them in the first half, but never really threatened from them. Yes, Maguire wasn’t playing and Uncle Casemiro’s left the building, but we scored a lot of set-piece goals last year and this year it looks like we haven’t got corners right yet.
Last night most were poorly executed but, even when the delivery was half decent, there didn’t seem to be much threat. Martínez’s fourth eventually came in the aftermath of a corner, but that shouldn’t disguise the fact that the corners themselves weren’t much cop. Something to work on.
DODGY DEFENDING
The defence continues to give up chances. Sabah could – and should – have equalised in the 35th minute. It was a massive chance: Kaheem Parris sent the ball towards the back post, where Joy-Lance Mickels had escaped Mazraoui (very easily), but his header went wide.
Mazraoui in particular seems susceptible at the moment, but most of our defenders have made mistakes which have resulted in goals this season, or simply been beaten too easily – Shaw against Ipswich being another example.
Need to tighten up. THAT being said: a rare clean sheet: we’ll take it.
BETTER THAN IT COULD HAVE, AND HAS BEEN
But it’s not all doom and gloom. United, in the end, got through this test with the minimum of fuss and that’s not always been the case in matches like this. Grimsby anyone? Even under Fergie we liked to make things hard for ourselves. Here, after the quickfire double just before half-time, the Reds were able to stroll through the second period, saving legs for Sunday.
And it was better than the last time we were in the Champions League, a campaign which brings shudders to the spine, mainly thanks to Mr Gloveman, Andre Onana.
Erik ten Hag’s United finished bottom of their group in 2023-24 with four points, bookending the whole miserable business with defeats to Bayern Munich. But it was the stuff in between – particularly the Galatasaray and Copenhagen games – that really did the damage. That was the United which could take a lead and immediately look terrified by the responsibility of having it; defensive gifts rarely arrived singly, preferring instead to travel around in packs.
So, yes, Sabah weren’t very good. But neither were some of the teams we somehow contrived to make look good the last time we were here.
KOBBIE FUCKING MAINOO
United were ponderous at times during the opening 25 minutes, but Mainoo and Tielemans – enjoying his most positive display in red, perhaps because of the pace of the game – gradually took control.
Mainoo in particular was great. He always seemed on the verge of losing it but never did. There was more adventure in his passing too. More willingness to move the ball forward rather than simply retain it. It was the kind of performance that makes you wonder, again, why there has ever been quite so much uncertainty about what to do with him. Kobbie Fucking Mainoo.
In less positive midfield news, I was lurking about in the rain pre-game near the players’ entrance. I had an idea, possibly borne from prejudice, that I might get a picture of the Sabah team bus to accompany this article. In my mind’s eye I imagined they’d be turning up in some tin-pot thing which would make a refreshing change from the usual coaches that rock up – Liverpool’s vomit-inducing space-age THIS MEANS MORE-machine and the like. But it was simply a common-or-garden coach with UK plates which they’d probably hired from the airport.
Instead I saw our new big-money signing – signed for approximately half the price of the big-money midfield signings of our opponents on Sunday – arrive in a tracksuit and very shiny shoes. And a very noticeable limp. I don’t reckon he’s the slated two weeks off full fitness. Then again, it took me two weeks to get back to running after falling off a treadmill and busting my knee last month, so maybe recovery rates are better for actual athletes.
GOALS, GOALS, GOALS
Nine goals for in two home games. Nearly went nap all over again. Can we only play home games from now on? After City I might change my tune.
For now, though, United are back in the Champions League. Four goals. A clean sheet. No late collapse. No stomach-churning final ten minutes. Nobody chucking a comfortable lead into the nearest bin. No lifelines required. Final answer.
By Andrew Kirby